I am just empty.
A couple months ago life stopped making sense.
Days have started blurring together.
Weeks pass, months pass.. Any yet life is standing still for me.
I find myself constantly asking why.
As in.. Why my dad? Why my family? Why God?
I dunno what to feel except for anger.
Anger towards God.
And than anger with myself for being angry at God.
He is sovereign I know that, and He has a plan, I get that.
But I just cannot wrap my mind around it all.
I am human and I need this to all make sense in my silly human head.
Every morning I hafta remind myself to breathe, take it second by second.
Focus on my daddy and my family.
My family, who is the rock of my life, my foundation.
My daddy who showed me what life with God is all about, and baptized me and raised me in the word.
I need to focus on that, remembering all the good times and making more good times.
If I spend so much time being sad I will lose out on all this happiness.
My daddy deserves my support and my love and any sort of comfort I can give him.
I will be strong for him, I will find strength in God and faith that His plan is perfect.
God I am sorry for my weakness.
Sorry for my anger.
Sorry for my doubt.
Sorry for my fear.
Sorry for all my silly human thoughts.
I promise to start being better.
To be strong.
To be brave.
To love my daddy for as long as I can, and even more after you decide to take him home.
To make sure he knows how much he is loved and how much he shaped my life.
How he taught me how to be a child of God and showed me everything I want to be someday.
He gave me life, he taught me about life, and he made my life everything that it is.
Thank you God for giving me the best earthly father possible, sorry for any moment in my life that I did not appreciate him. Please give me many years with him to make up for that, and I am sorry for even asking that cause I know you have a plan but I need my daddy. I want him to walk me down the isle. I want him to hold my babies. I want a future with him. And that is selfish, and I know that, but its all I ask.
Please let me keep my daddy.
