I still catch myself feeling sad about things that shouldn't matter anymore.

Oh hey there, I am 23 now. Whoop whoop. It was a great birthday. Much better than last year for sure. I really loathe being single though. I mean I am content being single I just very much miss the comfort that comes in a relationship. I am going through a lot right now and i am feeling so very lonely and in dire need of that companion that you can just sit and cuddle and talk about life and feelings. I haven't had that in so long. To be honest even when I was with my ex I never felt that companionship. Maybe at first but we were from 2 different worlds and that really put a strain on us. We both became different people, he stopped being who it took to get me and became the person he actually was all along and I had become someone I thought I would never be and someone I am trying very hard currently not to be. Its a fricken journey. I thought I was too far gone buried by my choices and mistakes but I underestimated God and He is helping me pick up the pieces and put them back together. Of course like only He could do. Do you ever just take a step back and look at your life and who you have become and think 'gee when i was 16 i never saw this as my life at this age'.  I thought i would be done with school, engaged or at least in a serious relationship, and in a good solid career with my school loans all paid off. And ya i guess that is  a bit of a fairy tail, but that is what I saw. And my reality? Ya i still have 2 years left and i still live at home and i am a waitress and i just i want more for my life. But i dunno what I am doing. I make damn good money serving but its just not the job for me anymore, its killing me. I need a big girl job. And yes Dani and I are getting a place soon, we start looking tomorrow. As far as finishing school goes, i need to get moved out first and manage my finances to see how much i have to put toward school. I have a lot saved now, but i have to get a new car and need money for rent and gas and bills and to put school in the mix makes me feel super poor. NO THANKS. Someone rich should just adopt me or buy me a money tree. Well this was fun but imma explore schools on the internet, or watch youtube, we'll see how the evening pans out. Peace out.