I completely and utterly wholeheartedly adore my life. Each day, of each week is filled with sincere happiness. Happiness that stems from my Lord and Savior. He has really been teaching me to trust Him lately. I keep trying to force things to happen my way and in my time and when they don't I feel like an epic failure. But see I have a fallback... His will. Odd though because His will should be my first thought not an after thought, or a plan B. Stupid human nature.
Running into someone you used to love and you thought you'd love forever is so inconvenient. I see him every year, on the same day. I wish that would stop being a tradition. My heart still skips a beat. My tears still flow. My life seems to cease and time stands still for that tiniest moment. He said forEVER when he clearly meant forNEVER. I am a strong person. I have an amazing life and honestly wouldn't trade who I am and my life for anything. But times, like running into him make me think, why can't it go back to how it was? We were happy. I loved you. And you said you loved me. I wanted you for always. You chose her. I am okay with things now. I have moved on and am living my life absent of you. So would you kindly stop popping up places. I don't want to let him have this power over me anymore, but he still has that piece of my heart. And when I see him, that piece yearns to be back in my chest. But it won't be. I gave it away and as matter a of fact I don't want it back. It's tainted with false love and tragic lies. God has amazingness in store for me. I know I will be truly great in whatever I do because He faithful and has a perfect will.
In Him is where my strength lies, I died to myself in the summer of 2008 when God took back control my life and said 'Tara you are done living for you, I have much better plans for you than you have for yourself and frankly what you have been doing and how you have been living has not been my will and you need to cut it out.' That voice was not so still in small, it was loud and needless to say I got the HINT :)
Since then I have had many slip ups and times when it was about Tara instead of about Him, but I truly have grown as a person. When I look back at who I was and all that time I wasted living for myself it makes me cry. Imagine what I could have done?? I wasted years of my life trying to make myself happy by the worlds standards. I was stupid and selfish and undeserving of the life God freely gave me. I am lucky that He still wanted me. Even when I didn't want myself. He took me in His arms and fixed me up. I am so on fire for Him. I know I am still growing and still making mistakes but the beauty is that now I am learning from them and I am leaning on Him. I am acknowledging Him and He is directing my paths. I feel so safe, I feel so sound. I feel whole again. The Spirit is my guide and I am so excited to see where God takes me.
I don't need the world for happiness. The world fails at fulling my void. Jesus is the only one who completes me. Again I say I love my life. And I mean that is every possible way. I don't live my life with a superficially happy facade, no I am indeed this happy :):)
Whoop, good talk. Don't forget to vote tomorrow y'all. It is important, vote for life..Let's take control.
Peace out girl scout!
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