Tuesday, November 30, 2010

My dreadful bout of doubt...

So basically December starts tomo. I cannot believe it!!!! I am done with school till January 12th as of next Thursday. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!! I am almost done with school too, that makes me very pleased. I can be done and finally start my life.

This week has been kinda disappointing thus far and its only Tuesday. Sad face. But oh well I am getting my hair did on Saturday and all will be well :) Work is still crazy. People just drive me insane with their being all creepy. I am not someone who tolerates or appreciates creepy men. I am however getting the hang of the job, which is good since I am assistant manager. Ahhhhhhh Psych, what a funny show. James Roday and I will one day be married.

Eating pita chips, thinking about life and how I got to this place in it. I swear just last week I was starting the 9th grade. Excited to figure out who I was and meet cute high school boys. It wasn't until school started that I realized I was at a Christian school with real slim pickins lol I loved high school though. It appears, however, that I blinked and now its gone. And now college, I am literally in my last semester. How does that even happen?? I can't seem to catch up with my life. God's been ever so gracious in directing it but i just feel so stressed with trying to figure out what He's doing :P But alas it is not my job to figure out what He is doing, it is my job to simply follow His will and trust His gentle guidance. I am just having a bout of doubt. Doubt I wish would flee, and I would not be sad to see it go. I am strong in my faith and know that God won't leave me hanging and has beautiful plans in store for me. It is just that sometimes I want things to happen in a clear cut way so I don't get all confused, hurt, and stressed. But then again if things were clear cut and easy how would I ever learn from a situation?? I hate that pain that goes along with heartache. I hate the torture that goes along with confusion. I hate the constant fear that goes along with stress. I think the worst is the heartache. Something I experience farrrrrrrr too often. I often ask God why He let's me put my heart on the line time and time again. Wanna know what He says?? He says, 'Tara darling, you are the one who puts your heart there. All I wanna do is guard your heart, keep it safe, and give it to the person who was made to hold it forever.' Wow what an amazing Savior I have. He is here for me and I just do my own thing. Make selfish, foolish choices that end up biting me in the butt and chipping away pieces of my fragile heart. It does make me feel better though to know that if I would just trust God, He'll protect me and make sure I make smart choices using my head and not letting  my foolish heart take the lead.

Ughhhhh I have like a whole school years worth of homework to do tonight...KILL ME. Well its been real lovely catching up like old friends. I love you.

Stay classy♥

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