YOU own my heart.

Happy. What a funny word. I thought I was happy, thought my joy was pure. Turns out the my source of joy was not so legit. As human beings we are creatures of comfort. My life was so comfortable. Safe. And then all the sudden, that safety vanished. Fear crept in and took over. Sure, that's part of life. It seems like an ever-so present part of my life though. God is my rock, yes. But my nature is to rely on myself, and others. Its a horrible habit. I feel safe in my relationship with God, but my other relationships are less than unsettling. Wouldn't it be nice if God would just stop you from putting your heart on the line. Time and time again I do, and time and time again it backfires. I am a sharer. I talk a lot. I love it. I love to tell stories and when people ask, I tell. I do not think that is a bad quality, but people take advantage of it more often than not. I have boundaries, clear set boundaries that I am very forthright about. But people wiggle their way into the very inner chambers of my heart. There are holes where God should be and instead I've let other people fill in instead (mainly men-folk). God is my life. He is my Savior and my Redeemer and my Everlasting Father. But I get caught up in my selfish desires sometimes. Desires that have proven to be foolish and time consuming and just plain monotonous. I am done playing the game. I am starting a new game. God is making the rules and calling the shots. I will gladly be his pawn. I am ready to go where ever he sees fit. His will is just so very pure and perfect. I see big things in my future, and His hand in mine the whole entire way. It is kinda scary. But its the good scary. The kind of scary that does not give me nightmares, I have dreams with unicorns and butterflies and all things happy.

Work is really bringing me down lately. Guys can be real d-bags. I truly, wholeheartedly do not enjoy getting hit on. Sure every now and then it can be flattering. But when it happens every time I work?? Nope. It is just scary, and makes me feel awful. I actually cried on Monday cause it was so bad. I am in customer service, therefore I smile and treat the customers with sunshine. I evidently gotta tone down my personality. Not cool. It would be nice if guys could be smart and realize its my job to smile at them and treat them nicely. It is just really starting to take a toll on me.

Today was one of the best days that I have had all week. God was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good to me. He knew I needed it. I have so many amazing people in my life. God is real good at weeding out the bad ones and leaving the ones who bring me joy and keep me accountable in my faith. My family has been so key in shaping me too. My dad is my hero. My mom always has advice and lets me talk out ALL my feelings. My sisters are my best friends. Ashley, that girl can make me laugh/cry and always knows exactly what to say, she has one of the best shoulders..I use it often! I love her so much. Ellyse, she has always had my back. This girl has such a pure heart and I can tell her anything. I can talk to her forever and she always knows how to make me feel better. I love her so much. Alex, oh dear where to start. This kid is my best friend. We have such a deep connection and I would kill for this girl, seriously if anyone ever tries to hurt her they are sure gonna hafta deal with me. We have epic dance parties in the kitchen. Inside jokes out the wazoo. I just love her so much. My family is my life. I have such an amazing life. I wouldn't trade it for anything that anyone could possibly offer me. I am completely content with having my Jesus and my family. I want or need anything else.

My heart belongs to God and that makes me feel so safe and sound. Nothing in the world can offer me the kind of eternal protection that comes from my Jesus. I just epically love my life!!!! :)