Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy :)

My dreams have been wicked awful lately. I wake up and I'm like what the heck was that all about. But it's cool cuz they are just dreams, my reality is way better :) God has been really awesome. I mean He is always awesome but lately He has just been exceptionally awesome. I adore where my life is and where it is heading. I have been looking at a lot of schools and it's very exciting. I am gonna visit some schools in Cali when I go out there for spring break.. Woo who :)

In YG we have been watching a video series about finding your purpose in life. It is so good. We have been exploring the other religions and that has just confirmed that my God, the creator and He who holds my heart is the only way; He's the truth and the life. This has gotten me very excited for dare 2 share in march. YG has been so instrumental is helping me grow in my faith, I have had so many opportunities to share my faith and that has in turned strengthened my faith. I truly know what I believe and I know what I believe to be the truth and I know it to be the only truth. That is so encouraging. I just feel so blessed and empowered to just let everyone know about my Jesus. It has been on my heart lately. I know I haven't been doing enough to tell others about Him. I have been concerned with fitting in instead of standing out and having people think I'm a freak. Think what you want, God is my life and no longer will that be something I remain quiet about.

School is actually pretty wicked awesome. I have gotten way active in stuff this semester. Mostly cuz its my last semester and wanna get the most outta it :) But I am on student senate and in Glee Club. Also I am joining choir. I am very excited to be a part of it. God is gonna use me I just know it. Sometimes I wonder why He takes me down the roads He does but in the end it is so very clear :) Life is really sticky sometimes and believe I just want to collapse and cry and let it all come down one me. But the nice thing about having the relationship with God that I do is that He takes that all away, as soon as I ask Him to. Those feelings are human and natural and He is the only one who can take them away and replace them with joy. That gives me such peace to know that. Cuz seriously some days I want to curl in a ball and cry, and sometimes I do. But God is there for me and knowing that makes everything better and it makes all the bad stuff seem way insignificant. I mean really it is, in the bigger picture it means absolutely nothing so why focus on it.

My life has changed so much in the past year. It was flipped upside and than built upside right by my gracious Savior and amazing family and friends. People have always been a passion of mine and it is awesome having people that have your back 175% anytime you need them. Because when you are a people person you tend to be the one who encourages and does all the talking and consoling, so it is nice to have people in my life who can do the same for me when I need it. God has been weeding out the false ones for the past year. And that has been rough because that is people I thought loved me through thick and thin but it turns out they were those fare-weather type friends. Who needs those? I certainly don't. People taking advantage of my niceness is not going to go over well. My philosophy is be the type of friends to others that you want others to be to you.

Deep stuff guys. I love you. Remember God has such a splendiferous purpose for your life, just trust Him...Take His hand and embark on all the gloriousness He has set out for you; you and only you can fulfill the purpose He has for you. You are the only one with that unique tailor made purpose. Own it :)

.Tootles y'all.

Auntie Tara :)

So school has started and I kinda sorta love it. I am taking me some voice lessons! Getting my diva on ;) I joined student senate and was asked to audition for the Inver Hills production of The Servant of Two Masters. I was so flattered to be asked but I just don't have the time to devote to practice. Which totally blows cause I mean as a career I want to be an actress, but right now I gotta focus on graduating and getting my degree on. God has been smiling down on me a lot lately. My life is so so so so blessed. I totally do not deserve any of it. I have decided to get my BA. Not from Inver but from a university :)

I am so excited about the future I could pee. Seriously loving my life. My sister is preggers, with a baby. I AM SO EXCITED. See what I mean about God smiling down on  my life?? Like seriously. God is so big, never underestimate what he is capable of doing. Today at youth group I saw Him big time. I truly adore being a leader at church. Seeing the kids grow and hearing them talk about their faith honestly makes my heart so overflowed with joy. True, pure, everlasting joy; that only God can allow you to feel through His Spirit.

It is amazing to look back and see where my life used to be and then compare that to where I am now. I am baffled at the work God has done in me. My life is at a place that I never thought I would be. I am completely content with everything. He is making magic happen in my life. I cannot wait to see where He will take me in 2011 and I am so ready.

Well I gotta skedaddle, I love you.

♥ Tootles my lovelies!

Insomnia, its what's for dinner.

A girl can dream...Let's face it God knows what he is doing, so whatever happens, happens. I just really need to sit back and let God show me what's up. I am being way to forceful with what I think should be His will for my life, instead I need to just let Him show me in His time.

Patience has never been one of my strong suits, but I hoping that the lemons life has been handing me lately will help me attain some, somehow. God is the most important part of my life and I loose sight of that sometimes.

Not anymore.

I vow to remember who I belong to. I vow to talk with God daily. I vow to read the precious words He has written for me. I vow to love Him unconditionally and without pause. And I vow to share Him with the world every single opportunity that I am given.

When I mess up..I am gonna fess up. When I fess up..I am gonna shape up. From here on out I'll be a better me. Someone He can be proud of; someone I can be proud of. God deserves that from me; well actually He deserves so much more.

I wish I was more than just a mere human. I wish I was someone He could count on, like He is for me. He has given me so much, and I have given back so little. I am a awful sinner who deserves death, and yet daily He gives to me.. LIFE. He protects me and loves me no matter what. I only wish I acted the same towards Him. Sometimes there are days I go without saying a single word to Him. Not one peep. Sometimes I don't even pick up my Bible, for weeks at a time. And worst of all there are days when I keep Him all to myself and let opportunities of sharing Him with others fall by the wayside. Those are the days when I let my stupid humanity win. I put myself first and Him last; that is something I will always hate about myself. It is so easy to do what I want. When in all actuality what He wants for me is what I should want for myself, because it is what I need. Needing and wanting are two very different things. I need Him all day, everyday.

He is there. Waiting. Just waiting. Waiting for me to seek His face. Waiting for me to come to Him empty handed and wanting to be filled. I am gonna shape up. I am gonna seek Him daily. I am gonna loose myself in Him and resurface a new Tara. Consumed by His love and Spirit. I will be different, I will be better. I cannot go on just being a spiritual zombie. I need to be on fire. I need a zest for life. A zest that can only come from God. So that I can start truly living, and make each moment of my infinitesimal life count. I love you.

Nightie night (maybe, my mind is going a million miles a minute right now :P).

Peace. Out.

Tom Welling, I love you.

So life has been grand :) I uh quit my job and got a new one. Which is definitely a good thing and I am happy to be moving on. God definitely has his hand in my life. Christmas was awesome :) Ash came home and I about died, it was so AMAZING to see her. It's very cold out and at the moment it's snowing. Yay :) I got an iPod touch for Christmas and it is awesome. I got everything I wanted or needed and so much more. Seriously tho life is good. Church has been amazing and God has really taught me some legit stuff lately. He has blessed my family tenfold and I am so grateful. I am just living each day for him and it is so fulfilling. I don't need anything else<3 I love every bit of my life. Last night I had a weak moment and thought about someone who is very much not part of my life anymore; but he still holds a part of me. How do I get that to go away!! Or rather how do I get it back?? I know it probably impossible but I would adore to take it back from him. He doesn't deserve that piece of my heart. ESP since he used and abused it. But thats the nasty part of life, yet it's a necessary one. Girls are just as bad as guys but I personally think mist guys are selfish bastards. I know the perfect one is out there. He is out there waiting for me, and I him. I just wish I could stop finding these tools and misreading their schemes as love and allowing my heart to think "oh yipee I've found the one". False. Not a one has been a winner. They've all been dbags. But I'm tenacious and I won't give up or give in. I won't settle and I won't back down. I love you. Bye, bye.

Happy new year :)